I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
