Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
