I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Randomize
