His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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