First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
