fuck your aforementioned shoe
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
