All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
