He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
