U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
