I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
