I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
