After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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