I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
