Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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