your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
