i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
