Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
