Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
