i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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