he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
