Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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