seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
