I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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