xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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