That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
