he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
