its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
