Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
