I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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