I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
