I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
is it fun? or sober?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
