the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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