if i can run in heels then i can drive
i think i have herpe
just one?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
