you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I smell stomach acid.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
