There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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