If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
