im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
