Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
