oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
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