We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
