Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
