My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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