they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
