Do you still have your period?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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