This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
