Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You made out with two different species that night
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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