Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
