So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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