If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
