It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
